Mystic I am  10/21/99

It was her thoughts that found me

Not his, as he denied.

Though I tried to close them out

My mind and guts were tied.

I was thinking they were his

As a matter of deduction

Having forgotten about women

Who will feast upon seduction.

Simply seeing my love in her arms

Did bring my blood to boil

As we have made a promise

unto ourselves be loyal.

Yet here these visions did appear

as I thought there was no way

He would give his love to any other

And then himself betray

Still…

I saw that which was longed for

And it was not me he kissed.

My faith began to falter

As the thinker I had missed.

It was she, it was she

Transmitting thoughts, and me

Not recalling my perception

Could another person’s be.

I prayed…

There were questions, there was rage

There were things I dare not say

But to have him there upon her floor

Was the vision she had raised.

Without understanding reason

I saw heat, the want – desire

I even saw the mirrored wall

Where the scheme she had conspired.

Rid the self of impure thoughts

What more was there to do

For my heart had become laden

As it did not see the truth.

So I stopped listening.

Drawing a circle pure

I went along the inside

Until my breath was sure.

Oh how similar moments

Before this have been true

When other lovers left

And away their pledges threw

But my love today? 

Say no! Not as  the rest

He dreams to be a paladin

and his word I honor yet.

So what of these visions?

My lord and soul, I beseech you

Show me what to do.

Then, in waves, it hit me

And right again came through.

A test it said (the voice in my head)

You’re good at them now prove it

I swore I would with every breath

As I aimed myself to do it.

Every thought - I let go

Every feeling - I let go

Each reaction – I let go

The assumptions – I let go

Then mercy came, the saving grace

And this wolf became a lamb.

As I realized it was her thinking,

and it is the mystic I am.