I am the Ocean - by Thomasina Kundalini

I am the Ocean   4.27.01

Up in the airplane.
Words in the sky.
Elevated ink.
Questions of why.

Thoughts too low to know.

Rocking over the Rockies.
Longing for the ground.
Sometimes it just falls apart.
Sometimes it just falls down.

I didn't think i was in a dream
but apparently i had been.
Haven't i earned the dis-illusion?
Turbulence again.

Vegas, you're my diamond in the desert.
You're the carpet to my throne.
You're a comfort to my ego
but now I must go home

and deal with what's wrong.
Try to smooth a wrinkled life
with the iron of my will.
I must be strong...
and not hold on.

He has released me.
He says he'll be gone
just like them
he's 'not the one.'

I laid my love out honestly
and he honestly turned it down.
I have to accept that.
Even if i had been wrong
it's not going to matter now.

My dreams are dashed
smashed upon his shore...
   but i am the ocean
and he does not reach my floor.

The pressure too great
crushed by the weight
of my be-ing
(so he tells me).

"You're over there and I'm over here."
It was news to me.
I thought we were together a year
but apparently i was wrong.

not new for me to play the fool
but you know, i know
a puddle from a pool
   cuz i am the ocean
and that, i can not leave.

i think ani said it best -
"don't' fool yourself into thinking things are simple.
Nobody's lying still, the stories don't line up.
Why do you try to hold on to what you'll never get a hold of?
You wouldn't try to put the ocean in a paper cup.

Cuz i have had something to prove
as long as i got something that needs improvement
and you know that every time i move
i make a woman's movement.
First you decide what you've gotta do
then you go out and do it.
Maybe the most that we can do
is just to see each other through it."